So you all know that I’m totally living the dream right now, earning almost no income as a stay-at-home mum, blogging for a pittance and wasting my nursing degree. While pondering my numerous professional failures, I was contemplating what would be my most ideal jobs. I came up with a list of the best ones, and here they are.
My Wedding Florist
No, not just any florist, just my wedding florist. In the run-up to our wedding, I visited my florist in Plumstead to discuss my floral requirements. She worked from home, having a lovely workshop within her home containing everything that all good wedding florists need. Beautiful flowers everywhere, a variety of different coloured materials and embellishments and arty inspiration everywhere we turned. It struck me that she had such a lovely job, getting to think about and arrange flowers for a living and having the perfect excuse to do ‘pretty things’ all day long. Lovely.
Lead guitarist for Whitesnake
This would be the best job in the world. Ever. If I were the lead guitarist for Whitesnake, it would mean that I would be amazing at guitar and would get paid a lot of money for my axeman skills. It would also mean that I would have unlimited access to David Coverdale’s tremendous voice, which would make me a very happy lady indeed. Obviously it would mean quite a bit of time away from the home on tour, but my kids are rock fans, so they would probably love being on the road.
A Storm Chaser
When I was growing up I was a little mesmerised by the storm documentaries on Discovery Channel. I was fascinated with the destructive force and untameable violence of tornadoes. I used to watch the teams jump into their huge, modified pickup trucks and head right into the storm, through the ‘wall cloud’, past the bowling-ball-sized hailstones and narrowly missing the vortex before deploying a swarm of flimsy little monitoring devices into the eye.
To this day, I am yet to see a real-life tornado, despite dreaming about them all the time. Although, I was once kindly told by a local to the southern states that my fascination with twisters was a little odd, especially considering he had seen them in real-life, and knew that the twisters he’d seen had killed people. Fair point. Doesn’t make them any less fascinating as a force of nature.
Chief Health Consultant for the BBC’s Casualty and Holby City
I have watched these two programmes on and off for a number of years, and since qualifying as a registered nurse (I’m not currently registered), it has never ceased to amaze me how rubbish they are at getting basic medical details correct. I don’t know who they’re paying to give them accurate medical information, but that person is clearly having a laugh, because I don’t know one medical professional who doesn’t watch Holby or Casualty (‘Casuality’, as my old friend used to call it), and laugh out loud at the horrific errors. If I see one more TV numpty trying to defibrillate an asystolic patient, I will throw my TV out of the window.
Any Role in Poldark
Just so that I have any opportunity whatsoever to get my grubby mits on the beautiful Aidan Turner. That’s all.
So that is my dream job list. I’m definitely plumping for Whitesnake’s lead guitarist. Wish. Me. Luck.