I don’t have many regrets. I decided that life is too short to live with regret, and instead I choose to take lessons and positives from situations or events that didn’t go as well as they could. However, I’m not completely devoid of regrets.
One of my regrets is letting one of my friendships go. I used to have a friend called John. We met at my first Saturday job (actually, it was a Sunday job, but you know what I mean) when I was around 17. He was slightly younger, as are (weirdly) most of the chaps in my life. We worked at B&Q and I couldn’t even tell you at what point we became mates and why. But for most of the years I worked there, I remember us being really close friends.
We used to go out a lot, both in groups with our work friends and just the two of us. We used to head into London a lot, go out locally, go for drinks and go to clubs. We used to dance and we used to have loads of laughs. It wasn’t all nights out. We talked a lot – we knew a lot about each other. He was there for me when times were tough (as tough as times are for an 18-year old). His motorcycle was the first (and last!) motorcycle that I ever rode on (oh how I screamed!). He was just such a brilliant friend and I have nothing but the fondest memories of him.
For one reason or another, largely my own demons, I broke off our friendship many years after it began. This happened roughly nine years ago. I found myself unable to talk to him anymore and at the time, I did tell him that I was finding it difficult to be friends with him – and the reasons why. At the time, it felt like the right decision for my own mental health.
Nine years down the line, and those aforementioned demons have disappeared. I no longer harbour the same issues I had back then. I’ve been thinking about John a lot lately, and really regret not keeping him in my life. This realisation occurred to me when I was reminiscing about some of our shenanigans to my dear friend Jo recently. She said to me that he sounded like the perfect friend, and it hit me. He was. And the truth is, I totally cocked it up and really do regret that.
You don’t get many true friends in life, and I guess that rings true of me. I wasn’t a true friend to him. I would dearly love to get back in contact with him now. I have no idea where he is. He isn’t on social media, at least his Facebook page seems to have been inactive for a couple of years. He could be married with kids. He could be living on the other side of the world. He could be ill. I hope not.
Either way, I truly miss my old friend John and am gutted that I was foolish enough to let that friendship go.