The Loss of a Cherished Friendship

I don’t have many regrets.  I decided that life is too short to live with regret, and instead I choose to take lessons and positives from situations or events that didn’t go as well as they could.  However, I’m not completely devoid of regrets.

One of my regrets is letting one of my friendships go.  I used to have a friend called John.  We met at my first Saturday job (actually, it was a Sunday job, but you know what I mean) when I was around 17.  He was slightly younger, as are (weirdly) most of the chaps in my life.  We worked at B&Q and I couldn’t even tell you at what point we became mates and why.  But for most of the years I worked there, I remember us being really close friends.

We used to go out a lot, both in groups with our work friends and just the two of us.  We used to head into London a lot, go out locally, go for drinks and go to clubs.  We used to dance and we used to have loads of laughs.  It wasn’t all nights out.  We talked a lot – we knew a lot about each other.  He was there for me when times were tough (as tough as times are for an 18-year old).  His motorcycle was the first (and last!) motorcycle that I ever rode on (oh how I screamed!).  He was just such a brilliant friend and I have nothing but the fondest memories of him.

For one reason or another, largely my own demons, I broke off our friendship many years after it began.  This happened roughly nine years ago.  I found myself unable to talk to him anymore and at the time, I did tell him that I was finding it difficult to be friends with him – and the reasons why.  At the time, it felt like the right decision for my own mental health.

Nine years down the line, and those aforementioned demons have disappeared.  I no longer harbour the same issues I had back then.  I’ve been thinking about John a lot lately, and really regret not keeping him in my life.  This realisation occurred to me when I was reminiscing about some of our shenanigans to my dear friend Jo recently.  She said to me that he sounded like the perfect friend, and it hit me.  He was.  And the truth is, I totally cocked it up and really do regret that.

You don’t get many true friends in life, and I guess that rings true of me.  I wasn’t a true friend to him.  I would dearly love to get back in contact with him now.  I have no idea where he is.  He isn’t on social media, at least his Facebook page seems to have been inactive for a couple of years.  He could be married with kids.  He could be living on the other side of the world.  He could be ill.  I hope not.

Either way, I truly miss my old friend John and am gutted that I was foolish enough to let that friendship go.

And then the fun began...
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30 thoughts on “The Loss of a Cherished Friendship

  1. Ahhh hon reading this made me sad, but if there is one thing I’ve learnt over the years of making many mistakes, and losing friends, its that if someone is supposed to be in your life they will come back to you. Chances are John feels the same and will try and track you down at some point my dear xxx

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    1. Ah Reneé, thank you for such a sweet comment. It makes me pretty sad when I think about it too. I hope you’re right, but I fear that the damage may have been done. I don’t know… Time will tell. If he turns up I will be sure to let you know! xxx

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    2. Right, I am just individually letting you all know that John called me last week. We had a long chat on the phone, I laughed like I hadn’t in a while and all is good! Very happy! xx

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  2. Oh Fiona, I feel so sad for you reading this. It sounds like you made the decision that seemed right for you at the time and if only we had the benefit of hindsight when we make decisions like this. I hope that John does manage to come back into your life at some stage and you can rekindle your friendship x

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  3. Funny, I’ve had similar thoughts recently. I don’t have that many close friends to begin with – for some reason virtually all my closest friends are women – and I’ve started to lose touch with several of them, not through a conscious decision like yourself but through a combination of people moving away, having families or just generally not having the time to keep in touch via anything more than the occasional Facebook comment. It’s really sad when long, close friendships come to an end. I keep thinking I need to make the time to invest in rekindling some of these. Having read this, I think I will. I hope you find a way to reconnect with John somehow.

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    1. Tim, absolutely do try and get in touch with those old friends. Life is too short. John was my only male friend. I have none now, and my only male company is my husband and his friends. These relationships don’t offer the same dynamic as having my very own male friend, and he was a brilliant friend. I hope I find him and at least get the opportunity to apologise for being such an idiot. Good luck with rekindling your old friendships, and thanks so much for your thoughtful comment x

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  4. I really sympathise. My lost friend is called Maria. She lived with us for a year as a foreign exchange student from Berlin when I was 16, we were the best of friends. It was just before mobiles and texts became the norm (I know, so old), I sometimes wonder if we would have lost touch so quickly if communication had been as easy as it is today.
    I’ve looked on social media for her but she could literally be anywhere.
    I think of her often.
    Xx
    #thetruthabout

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    1. Thanks so much for your sweet comment, sharing your own story (I remember the days of pre-mobile phones and and text messages!). I hope you find her one day. As for John – he called me the other day and we’re meeting up in a few weeks. It was just like old times – can’t wait to see him! x

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      1. That is so lovely – I hope you have a fabulous time and get to reconnect properly. It gives me hope I’ll find my Maria one day.
        Xx

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  5. Its always sad to lose friends. I have been thinking about friendship a lot lately and I have to say that some of my best, life long friends are now people who I rarely have any contact with at all and of course that’s not all their fault but our lives have gone in different directions. I feel like my family dynamics really prevent me from rekindling anything at the moment but one day I will… #thetruthabout

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    1. I hope so Sam. I’m growing to really cherish my friendships. John gave me a ring the other day, which was brilliant news. We had a good old catch-up on the phone and will be meeting in a few weeks x

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  6. Wow I hope you find him! Can you start a ‘find John’ campaign? I guess we don’t realise when we’re younger how special it is to find friends that ‘get’ you and you connect with. We’re often too wrapped up in our own lives to worry about losing friends because we just think we’ll make plenty more. You just never know when your paths might cross again……..xx

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    1. Hi Tor, guess what? He phoned me the other week! Yippee! So we can all stand down on the ‘find John’ campaign (o: You’re so right, we do take our friends for granted, often believing that we’ll make more. I often find that making friends gets more complicated as you get older. If you make a connection with someone outside of a work or school environment, for example, it can feel a bit odd to initiate a friendship. I’m in this situation at the moment with someone I know. I feel a blog coming on… Thanks for your lovely comment xx

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  7. How strange is this? I’ve just accessed you through twitter, not the link on your comments on my blog … Anyway, have you tried getting in touch with me? It might be worth it, if only to give you closure too. I have a friend.. or shall I say ex-friend? We had a falling out years ago, it was both our fault I guess. I tried getting in touch with her recently, but she ignored my email. Would love a chance to speak to her again, but if she’s not willing, can’t exactly force it can I? Oh well.

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    1. I would get in touch with him in an instant, but I have no contact details for him. No number, no email address and he isn’t on social media. I have no idea where he lives or where he works. 😦

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    1. Honey, if I had his number or email address I totally would! I have absolutely no way I can think of to contact him. His Facebook account has been inactive for a couple of years and he’s nowhere else to be found. The mutual friends that we have don’t have his number either. I’m usually pretty good at stalking – but this one has me stumped… xx

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  8. I hope that somehow he sees your post and contacts you! Friendships are so precious; it’s sad when you lose friends.

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      1. Amazing! I bet when you see each other again it will be like you’d last seen each other the day before! It was like that for my friend Adeline & I 😉

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  9. As I get older, I find I am reconecting with some old friends. I think friendships can ebb and flow depending on where you are in life. I hope you can track John down and start afresh.

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    1. Hello John! John gave me a bell the other week, so I’m a very happy lady. It has been great catching up with him – looking forward to meeting up in a few weeks.

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